I started this blog last year (a couple of months ago) and I wasn't sure why. A few weeks in, an incredible thing happened which seemed to be the manifestation of that reason! (See Fort Worth Public Market Building) For those of you that didn't click, here's the short version: Seven years ago the Lord showed me a building in downtown Fort Worth, Texas and simply told me that it would be the building that would house a vision He was birthing in me. A few months ago, through a "divine appointment" I was suddenly having the meeting with the owners of the building that I'd been waiting seven years to have. They latched on and fell in love with the vision and we are now developing plans together for the 2 year, 5-7 million dollar renovations and launching of this vision!
Now, let me be honest...totally honest! Have you seen that T.V. show Wipe Out? ... Well wait. We'll come back to that...
4 years ago I married my high school sweetheart and first love. Just before we reconnected, I had a recurring vision streaming through my head and I couldn't get it to go away. It was a vision of me attempting to run an obstacle course but every time I would go for that first tire, my foot would land on the inner edge of the tire, my ankle would twist and I would fall. I would go back to the starting line, knowing that my "coach" (The Holy Spirit) was right there watching. I would try it again, going all out, with more and more determination ...only to have it happen again...and again! Over and over this would play in my head. I finally said "OK God! What are you trying to show me here?" I feel like the Lord was showing me that there are some things that can't be taught...not with words or instruction or clip board drawings or any of that. Some things simply require conditioning -- as in, running it over and over until your brain and foot are conditioned to connect and work together and you finally land that hole!
So here I am after four years of marriage. Let me say up front, completely sincere: I am married to one of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. I am not just trying to be some flowery little blogger here. I really really mean that! Ask others! They will say the same thing about him. This past Sunday we led worship together and as we sat among the congregation afterward, listening to the sermon, I had one of those "this is absolutely my dream come true!" moments. They happen often.
But... four years ago, I took on something so beyond my ability to handle it was ridiculous. I triiiiied to tell God I didn't think it was a good idea for a list of reasons. Kirk's divorce was too fresh. His ex wife's remarriage and move to L.A. was too fast, too new and too unpredictable. His children were in shock and the whole lot of them were in the depths of the fog of grief! I was single ... I mean s. i. n. g. l. e. -- alone! A loner! Independent! ... Arrogant, self indulgent, opinionated, insecure, hyper-sensitive OK that's enough! We were about to hit 3 out of 5 stress factors that cause us over-forties to have a melt down (Divorce, a major move, and a career change... leaving only death and bankruptcy ...which we almost achieved in our decision to move to the defunct state of California!) I suggested dating. I was actually willing to move all the way to Los Angeles to date him for at least two years! That was my plan, but the Lord knew that if I got a real peek into the dynamics of the battle He was about to thrust me into I would have run and never looked back! WOW!
We have come through the battles in victory after victory but most of the time I looked... well... I looked like this (Come on, this time really click here!)
So, last September when the Frost brothers said "YES! We want to do this deal!" I secretly came to my living room feeling like I was a wet, muddy, rag-doll of a woman bouncing up and down on one of those final... thing-a-ma-bobs on the Wipe Out course, with absolutely no grip left anywhere in me. I wanted to look up at God and say "I am not the LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN YOUR IDEAS ANYMORE!!!!!" So... I did. And He just smiled, just like He smiled at me back at the tires, in the recurring streaming vision.
When I work on the details of The Vine (the venue we plan to launch in the building) I get so excited I can hardly breathe but I am honestly fighting battle fatigue. Just before the marriage, I came from 3 years in youth ministry where a level of "revival" broke out among these kids that was as exhausting as it was exhilarating. It came with much testing, trial and tribulation! Before that was the ground up developing of Texas Power...can't ...even...go...there! Whew! Before that ...uh let's see, oh yes the cancer journey! See what I mean? I'm out! WIPED OUT! But when I'm out, He's in! I trust Him with all that is in me.
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Just wanted to share. Pray for me will ya? Thanks!
Peace In Him,
Jill Welch
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